I immediately thought “what if someone who wants to hire me reads this and it costs me employment?”
I’m a freelance kinda guy. I’ve been doing it since I moved to Austin. The only other jobs I know are all retail jobs. I’ve always struggled with being told what I can or cannot do, wear, think, say.
When I was a 15-year-old kid working at Subway I knew then I couldn’t take orders from people. I learned that my personal time was unimportant, that I was a body to a corporation and that my mind was unnecessary. I missed Dethklok performing at the house of blues because of my job at Subway. I was already sacrificing experiences for the sake of work. I learned a lot about the professional life at 15.
I learned that again when I worked at a movie theatre. Again, when I was a manager at a dying rock and roll store at the Valley View Mall in Dallas, TX. Again, when I worked at Best Buy for the first few months in Austin.
Everyday I work is because I choose to work. Everday I work is because I made it happen that day. I live my life talking to folks, working with them, and creating a vision together. And thus, I don’t really work anymore. I create. Yeah, sometimes the tools I use aren’t used to create anything amazing or magical but, in some form, and in some way I’m still creating if I’m working with a camera.
I don’t like pretending I’m someone I’m not. I like using this as a space to add my personal thoughts to what I do. I like being a complete human. Having my real thoughts on the same website where I show proof of my work is important to me. I am not my work, but my work is me. And this is me, too.
If someone has read any or all of this and it’s cost me work with you, that sucks. But I understand. It just means we’re probably not that compatible. Cooperation is key when it comes to working in this industry and there sure are a lot of us. If I’m not a good fit, someone else definitely is. I might know them. Email me and I can send you their info. All the homies gotta eat.
The First One
I suck at writing. I suck at expressing myself.
I’m 32, 33 in a few months. I’ve tried writing in my journal but I need to do a lot to make sure my handwriting is good enough to read what I wrote out.
My only thoughts when it comes to this, or making vlogs, or anything that comes from my mind, boils down to this thought -
Who do you think you are, Ray? Who cares about what you think, or you’re thoughts on anything? What’s the point of sharing stuff like this? Who do you think you are.
Well fuck it dude. This is for me. Everyone needs their space somewhere. If I’ve been paying $200 a year for a website that contains my professional work, I might as well use it to write out some thoughts. Some ideas.
I’m already embarrassed. But also I’m looking SEOs lol.
Lets hope I use this. I need to be able to write stuff out. Therapy was good to go to until my therapist started rejecting my healthcare coverage. I have to buy the coverage myself since I’m independent. I mainly only used it to go to therapy. My first therapist ended our sessions.
But that’s because he died by cancer.
Cancer has really fucked with a lot of important people in my life.
Ramblings. Once again asking myself Who do you think you are?
I’m Ray. Director of Photography. Camera Operator. Game Master for a SW5e Campaign I run. Partner to an amazing woman. Keeper of a cuddly cat. Son of a mother who did everything she could to succeed in America. Nerd who has a lot of info over lore in Mortal Kombat, Star Wars, DC, and other “useless” fantasy worlds.
I’d like to think I’m just a chill dude who wants to live comfortably and continue to create things people enjoy.